I know what He has planned for me, could never match any silly school-girl crush I can conjure. But, it sure makes the day go by faster, and funner, and yeah... gives a girl a good ego booster, right!? There's just som'n about a man who is honoring, recognizes who you are, assures that others hear the boasting, seems slightly nervously awkward around you, and just smiles in a way that could melt your heart. *sigh*
See? I'm totally working myself up... what have I come to!?

but everyone else around seems to have the bug, or at least mine eyes are seeing it more oft than usual *pouty lip*

makes me long even more for what is so far away from me... *heavy sigh*

someday. *refrains form singing Disney songs*

I'm still at quite a loss as to way this policy came into being... it's sort of like a rule in Mau; you don't really know it's there, or even been made, until it's necessary to implement it.

I'm guessing that a huge part of it is my own lack of self-esteem in the whole issue. Hello?! an almost 27 year old who's never had an actual 'relationship' to speak of... kinda hard not to take it to heart/personally. I've never even had the opportunity to turn someone down... how whack is that, that I would even consider such a situation a positive!?

Mostly I find that what I long for more than anything is someone who makes me want to be more than I already am... someone, who without knowing it causes me to really step back and re-evaluate myself, assuring that as much I can be is what he's getting; the full deal.
Is it too much to ask that I induce the same response?

ftr: monogamy is a decision... a mere injection proves nothing to me regarding his actual intent to abstain! in fact, I'd always be second guessing if it were really his choice, or some kookie robot effect from the drug!?