You see, I've actually always walked out such a lifestyle. Maybe that's my love-language. Maybe it's a gift. Maybe it's a burden God has laid on my heart.
None the less... the more I've acted it out, I've gotten the strangest backlash from some. Folks who simply see it as me being "too nice", "a doormat", or even simply "trying too hard". *shrug* Maybe that's true, but it's honestly not at all where it comes from. In all honesty. I've never seen my brain's thoughts so well laid out and explained as I just saw... For now, I'm simply going to take it as an encouragement from the Father to continue on as I've intended from the get-go... without "fear" of any silly repercussions!

The lingering challenge will be to really step it up, and walk it out... even when it hurts, or perhaps especially then!?

I'm done. I'm done lying... I'm done hiding that... I'm done having to pretend that "everything's great". While that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm "not ok" with people... or even holding on to grudges, sowing bitterness, or anything of the sort. What it means is that as healed as I can be in specific/direct terms, I will continue to pang... twinge... ache... burn... and simply stir, as I'm consistent smacked with the realization that folks I love, deeply... are NOT ok!

It's in realizing that I can't do anything about it that I find my most difficult hurdle. I'm a fixer, a problem-solver. I am pro-active, justice-oriented even. I don't believe that avoidance, or idle standing by, serves anyone. So... even with insight/wisdom to see that it's not currently my place, let alone even feasible... is beyond stretching for me. *stretched like salt water taffy, over and over again!*

God is all I can lean on at this point. And while I feel justified, even righteously able, to stomp my feet and demand the "look at me"... "fix me"... "I'm worth the attention/effort/stress/bleh/stink!" I know that there are many more things going on in the lives of everyone else around me.

Balance. Ah yes, balance: the word/concept God has been bonking into my brain all year *looking up* 'yup, I hear Ya!'
Lord, let me know when I can purge... and see when it's my turn to sow pime, and offer what little You've planted in me for everyone else.

I care about all of you SO much... and as much as I want my life all wrapped up (in a pretty pink bow) and pretty again, I pray, desperately, for you all to be walking in His Purpose & Plans for your life. I want nothing more, and nothing LESS!