I am such a wreck...
I really honestly, have a hard time staying above the surface & creating this facade of okayness; just so folks won't find out the unraveling going on underneath. The strange part is, I don't even know where it all began. Most of it is in fact even unrelated to each other at first glance. But you throw it all into the same brain, let it stew for days & weeks on end & you get this. CRASH!
there's more where that came from...
Me, actually having to call my closest friend and clarify, "In case I haven't made it clear: I'm not okay. There are a lot of things going on in & around my life that are undealable for me right now..." Because most likely, even though I've thought for weeks that duh, 'he knows I'm not okay, he just doesn't have the time to deal with it himself'. That's most likely not the scenario. (At least at present that's what I'm choosing to believe for myself [& him.]) He's probably oblivious to my ever so subtle & slight attempts to show my needs, all the while doing his own self-maintenance & wondering why I won't just let him be to do so.
So, instead I fall apart over persceptions, create unneeded turmoil, & leave a sour taste in his mouth in regards to me... once again. Further proving to him that he's got a heavy load on his hands, hard to shake & even less appealing to recall fondly. Lord, help me be who I really am & not this bundle of emotions sans explanation.
...enough already!
scribbled by
manky @ 18:52:46
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"yeah, you know me!"
As many readers know... I've become very involved in the happenings at PayPerPost. I simply started with the thought of some extra cash from folks wishing to advertise on blogs. I'm a blogger, and figured... 'why not?'
Next thing I knew it was as full-time a job as I could make it, especially noting I was otherwise unemployed. During that full month that I did my best to blog & participate in PPP endorsed posts, I nearly made enough to cover all my living expenses (rent, gas, & a couple other monthly payouts were mostly covered!) I was sold. I shared the love with anyone who would listen, and certainly talked up the company at every opportunity.
there's more where that came from...
Lately (as you can see by my recent week+ hiatus) I've been busy with any & everything but blogging... which just further proves my love for PPP. While I may not be actively posting lately, the posts I made a month ago are still paying out consistently.
I may have a steady job for now, making the PayPerPost need null, but it's still there, and blessing me almost daily with extra funds for the fun stuff that comes up! Paying directly into my PayPal account, and easy accessible with my PayPal credit/debit card, I can cash out immediately!
*sigh*
Now, if you'll excuse me... I'm going to get back into the swing of things, blogging, posting, and making some extra cash for the future!
...enough already! scribbled by
manky @ 12:51:05
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I'm quite astonished as to how much time has lapsed since my last entry... especially noting the fervor represented here of late.
I have little to no excuses, other than pure laziness, lackadaisical approach to the mundane, and being otherwise focused on that which lay directly before me.
there's more where that came from...
I went on Women's Retreat last weekend and wore myself out completely: lack of proper sleep, and constant interaction at a high level. I was wiped beyond my own comprehension. I arrived home and melted into a lump of nothingness for 4 straight hours of the deepest sleep I've had in years (in the middle of the afternoon!)
Then it was back to work again, day after day, same ol' same ol'. Mostly slumping into another lump of worthlessness each evening, unable to recover from the wear & tear of the weekend!
Now I'm finally having a weekend, worthy of this much needed recovery: to gain back my perspective, get some due rest, and just get back to square one.
...enough already! scribbled by
manky @ 12:39:45
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