when I've got something to say, something serious... trying... difficult... and possibly very much private... I can't just come out and say it. In fact, I find myself lingering, longing for just the right moment, feeling, atmosphere in which I can open up as such. This provides for much frustration with a friend who has no reason to see it coming, and would otherwise cut the conversation short so as not to just mull about in seemingly nothingness. *sigh* Strange and twisted, I know. But how I've realized I work.
Perhaps knowing/acknowledging is half the battle. As is, sharing the scenario/s. One can't make improvements upon themselves or their actions without any input indicating the necessity. We go about with an "if it ain't broke, why fix it?" sort of mentality that at times serves us better than the concept implies. So we must rely on eachother, and God's gentle knocking upon our hearts & minds, to open up our eyes to possible places of needed improvement.
Don't get me wrong. The need for improvment in no way indicates a dire deficiancy in our own actions, attitudes, or what have you. It only shows how much He longs to help us up into the next level He has prepared for us. It only represents the amazing love & grace He pours out on us for the betterment of our own lives, and that of those around us to reap the blessings!
Today, I got to experience this phenomenon with a friend. As time went on, after an entire evening and more morning of talk (some more serious, and some not) the fullness of her heart began to unravel/unveil itself before me. I felt honoured. Full of God's love for her, and so wrenched to want to "fix" what lay before me. But I can't do that. Only He can... and as I was able to see that I'm not alone in this pattern of revelation, I found a greater respect & understanding of my own tendencies to guard my heart. Maybe that's not such a bad thing!? Maybe that's part of how I am perfectly made in His Plan/s!?
