I'm supposed to have today off. However, as I took the day when jonathan got the news about Tim (a week ago) I felt like I should at least be quasi-available today...
Although, as I walked in this [mid]morning both Susan & Kris gave me the "what are you doing here?" inquisition. which, obviously made me feel a bit more at ease to actually take advantage of the day. However I've got some stuff I need to tackle from a land-line, and on the internet, so I'm here...
if only my personal life and the insanity in my brain would be so... slightly cut & dry!
moving on to that more personal note...
I'm lost!
Tim's death, all that that entailed emotionally and sort of life-shakingly, and other issues that were brought to the surface nearby that time... just had/has me in a whirlwind of emotion, confusion, and desperate need of intense coddling.
Sad part of it all being that It's surely taken/taking its toll on the folks around me... from co-workers to family, and finally on to my poor, unsuspecting, friends.
I think I may have shattered jonathan's world last night as I nearly lost my composure over piddly stuffs... I pray I can prove it to have been merely a glitch in the matrix!
more than anything I'm scared... I feel like a silly little trembling girl... afraid to walk in the dark, afraid of being left alone, afraid of remaining alone... afraid i'll always be afraid.
I know that God is with me, I know He protects me, I know the Lord will provide for me... alas I'm still stuck in this rut of sure demise.
I look forward to every moment of positive interaction with awesome peoples...
scribbled by manky @ 13:58:18 
this has been a woe is me entry
