how is it that one can be seemingly surrounded by family, friends, fun... love. yet know/feel in their heart of hearts that they are truly alone!? that that very 'surrounding' only goes so far... push comes to shove; once you're no longer a novelty, when something better rolls around, or even once you've served your enlightening/enriching purpose... you become descartable. it's amazing how quick people can turn cold, almost careless, cocky, and even contemptuous!
Lord, let me not fall victim to such painful separations again! I can't handle it anymore! I can hardly trust what few people are left in my life... I can't imagine how hardened I might become under more grueling circumstances *can't see keys anymore, wiping eyes*

I don't like second, triple, quadruple guessing any and every interaction I have with people. In fact, I've even become a hugely vocal advocate against the same behavior observed in others. Yet I find myself doing just that! I can't seem to just sit back and trust that my experiences & interactions with people are as genuine as they ought to be. I'm constantly convincing myself that I've only created these mass illusions of happiness in my life and it'll soon come crumbling down with the rest of everything around me! I can't just jump for joy without junk jumping on me only moments later.

I've always prided myself on my insane ability to 'read' people... and now perhaps i'm 'read'ing too much... over analyzing everything, taking things personally, when they are most likely not pertaining to me in the slightest... *reminding self, almost screaming, "The world does not revolve around amancay!"*

I just want to curl up and sleep... except we all know how well that's worked for me lately *looking around for Riley Armstrong, who is surely hanging on the sidelines, ready to sing the anthem of late, "Sleep"* On a brighter note [unless you're one of those nazis who get on me... all worried like]: I'm not munching! [read: I can't eat]

Praise God for pets who don't feel the need to offer up advice... don't get this dreadfully dragging burden... but they're there, all snuggly & soft... and meowing coyly as you quietly shower them with your tears!

so I got directions early this morning, after a weird phone interaction that simply had me all up in a bunch not knowing what was up or down, who's who, and where's first!? *shaking head in recovery* despite the vast direction given to me... a few helpful details weren't shared in the confusion and briefness of the moment so I drove around just a scootch too long (having to desperately hit a restroom, probably didn't aide my direction deciphering abilities in the least!) turned around, and finally called the shop whenst I was once again in reception [literally across the field from them!]
Steve *wonders if he carries a "handy-dandy notebook"* gave me the address and I was reset on the right path/gravel driveway... however now the decision was down to: 'which randomly non-marked or even slightly distinguished door do I approach?'

*enter phone call #12 [using non-existent minutes... tick-tick-tick!]*
steve: *usual enthusiastic voice* "Antique Motorcycle Works, this is Steve"
me: *trying to maintain usual chipper, yet unassuming voice* "Hi steve, is jonathan around?"
*rustling as jonathan is retrieved*
he: "hi!?"
me: "I'm right by your car..."
he: *laughing* "wondering what door to come in..."
me: *matter-of-factly* "yeah... and I've got to go to the bathroom... so quick!"

hopefully, he's learned by now... you don't mess with an amancay who has to pee!

with no potty in the shop/barn *wonders what 'they call it'* we walked down to the house... and finally back up to see the place. TGJ quickly took over, showing me all sorts of spiffy-nifty things they've made, introducing me to characters people, explaining processes, and even offering/serving mate cocido (a little som'n som'n I like to call "argentina in a travel mug" or "camp in a cup"... but we'll get to that later/another time!)
I got to oooo & aaaah over amazingly sweet bikes, and unfortunately embarrassed the ma-heck out of myself by uttering the word that should otherwise be reserved for vacuums, straws and other things that extract air (my apologies, sir!)... *growling, while still working on the entire princess thing, innocent grin™*

best of all was getting a good dose of friendship in the midst of the day/week/whatever... a shnazzy post-it with wonderful words on it... and catching jonathan in an act he'd hardly fess up to, "you weren't supposed to see that!" *evil laughter ensues, once again, singing appropriate songs in her head*