"P.S. Sometimes I would like to write in this journal as though it were as truthful as the one sitting in my bookcase, but sharing my intimate private thoughts with the world doesn't sit well with me. I hold so much back, for better and not so much for worse. There are some thoughts that are just best kept to yourself. Then again, when I read this in 5 years, none of it will make true sense and I won't have an accurate description of what actually happened or what I really felt. Then again, maybe I will be wrong. Either way... Thanks for reading the edited version of my thoughts."
I've been thinking about this a lot lately... mostly because all of a sudden a great number of my friends actually read this/come here often. Don't get me wrong... I like it, that is after all the purpose: having a life shared, open, and available *again stating motto, 'everyone should have a blog'* for people to be able to stay on top of the good & bad. Unfortunately there are times that I have intense thought processes, aching eager rants, and other miscellaneous mumbles that just don't make the cut. For fear they'd be taken personally, people would look to deep into them, or I'd plain old be vulnerable to the very people I try so hard to front properly.
As intense and outgoing... and even u:ber communicating a person as I am, I just can't seem to open totally up in some respects of my life.
ex: not a single person has heard word from my mouth regarding my romantic interests in the past approx. 6 to 7 years... not even Sara (Nela's heard some in aftermath, but no one hears anything in the works or even serious consideration.) I've just got this weird complex about how it affects the whole outcome, not to mention my reputation/ego when it all goes sour, as such subject is want to do in my life...
anywho, just rambling thought about the fact that not all gets worded here in full (as if you guys hadn't figured that out yet!?) I apologize for that... and perhaps someday when I begin to care less about how you all feel about & perceive me, that could change!
