lily of the valley: 6/XII/99 - odd bonding habits

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(age: 22 years, 12 days, 19 hours, 49 minutes)
[history: 2004... 2003... 2002... 1990... ]

Monday December 6, 1999

6/XII/99 - odd bonding habits

Just as I sat down to compile yesterday's entry, Ed showed up to give me the money for Phil's 15 Years of Crap. Speaking of which, let me go off on a tangent.

I, lovingly, purchased for Mr. Ed Z100's 15 Years of Crap with intentions of giving it to him for Christmas. For those of you who are not from the greater Portland area: it is a collection of their hit spoofs (everything from Bill Clinton's Bimbo #5 to New Kids Got Ran Over By a Reindeer) from the past 15 years they've been on the air; 3 cds of music and "interviews" plus a dvd of commercials, music videos, and other tv spots. It's kick in the pants funny and come with the new Butts 2K: Celebrity butts calendar. At first I was wary of endorsing such a gift, but I knew that he really wanted it (and had even hinted at it) and it's all in fun! So I got it for him on Thursday at Freddy's. (I had originally planned on getting it Tuesday on my way home from work. However, after his episodic venture I quickly disregarded that idea.)

On Friday night, after the play, we were all hanging at Shari's. Before he left I asked him what he was doing the next day. He said he was going in to Portland to get the Z100 cds. Argh! Just my luck! I tried to wringle around telling him I'd already gotten the set by convincing him not to go. Obviously it didn't work, so I had to ruin my lovely surprise. The look on his face was great, a bit of astonishment, some joy, sheer confusion to say the least. The next day he called me up and asked sheepishly, "Can I have my present?" It was adorable (Sorry to bust your rep Ed).

Now I've had to make a second run to for this coveted collection. This time it's one for Canela (for MD for Christmas [hope he doesn't suddenly decide to actually visit my page after weeks of my talking it up to no avail!]), one for Phil Brady (Ed had said he'd get him one in Portland), and one for Amy here at work (who couldn't decide whether or not it would be a gift or for herself. After seeing it, and that it came with the Celebrity Butt Calendar, she ripped it open for herself). I must have looked insane as I grabbed three of the last seven at the store.

Getting back to Ed interupting my entry: He then, of course, wanted to check his mail... then maybe some RCT??? Who could resist some of that good stuff?

I eagerly cleared off the second chair by the computer and we loaded up a new game. We (somewhat) calmly took turns taking control with the mouse (which he wonderfully cleaned for me last weekend, so it doesn't jump around and get stuck like it was doing, thanks again Ed!) and building, while the other gave specific recomendations (or huffs of disapproval). It's always an experience... the two of us, so strongly opinionated as to how things could or should be done, trying desperately to work together. It's really not as bad as I'm making it out to be, or I wouldn't have been so eager to give up my "alone time" with my computer. We really do have fun, and can help each other notice things as we go along. Besides, it's always great to share an obsession.

The best thing of all about last night (in my book) was that Ed was able to actually tell his mother that he was with me. That's quite a relief for me, sometimes I feel like he can't (or won't) stand up to them when it comes to me and I get represented as some psycho who won't go away. I often wonder exactly what they must truely think of me, because from the sounds of it... their portrayal to me face is far from the truth. He just told his mom he was coming over to give me the money and talk (since she was still on the phone with family, and I had called twice). It may not seem like much, but to me a mountain was moved!

I woke up this morning to more disturbing news. Following in the rencent years' trend, there has been another school shooting. All the details haven't come out yet and being at work I can't really stay glued to the television to get said information (that would just be feeding into the frenzy anyway). Suposedly a 13 year old opened fire as students were gathered before school started. Aproximately 4 or 5 kids were injured, no deaths so far. I hate to report on this without any substantial information... but to wake up to that is frightening. My TV is my second alarm, the one that tells me 'okay it's really the last minute for you to get up, so get your rump in gear!'. But this morning the news seemed all too unreal for me. Sure, ever since the horror at Colombine, I've been one to vocally state how unsurprised I'd be if such events were to happen again. Yet just because i half expect it, doesn't mean I'm not affected and/or all out appalled.

Schools can boast security all they want, and the new no-tolerance levels seem to be pointing towards anyone but actual culprits. Airports and governent building boast such security and they still get bombs, hijacking, etc. In all truth safety is a mere imaginary state we try and create for ourselves and our sanity. Who's to say the guy behind you in the express lane at Safeway won't freak out at the wait and blow you to smithereens? Nothing is for sure and such anger is eminent, especially in our society that thrives on giving everyone what they want immediately with disregard to normal time frames. When something (whether it be a friendship, love, or your gallon of milk and a loaf of bread) doesn't arrive to you in the manner you expected it to... fury builds. People try and blame each other, races, ignorance (parental or social), anything but themsleves. How many people have you seen raise their hand after such an episode as Colombine and say, "I knew it was going to happen, there were problems, I just chose to ignore it. Therefore I suck, and accept blame!"? Not many huh? That's becuase we become indifferent to those around us. If it doesn't directly affect us we brush it off and let it go.

I say all this in a totally hipocritical manner, because I too am sucked into this society of outward blame: "How could the parent's not know?" "Did the other students hear something?" "There's just no way!". I've heard kids talk about how much they'd like to "get" someone, or how much school sucks, or how they just don't fit in. But I've never taken any of it as a threat... or an actual issue. Who's to say they too won't be the next Kip Kinkle??? Not me for sure, I have no qualifications to make such conclusions.

At the same time I guess I fell like if we all live life worrying about who is going to be the next one, we've let them win. We've let them get into our heads and effect our lives. They will have, in a way, won (or at least gotten what they wanted... which is essentially just revenge). That's not what I want. I don't want to stop driving to work because I'm afraid someone might get road rage and hunt me down (although I wouldn't be surprised if they did...)! I don't want to stop going to fast food joints because I was once at Mickey D's while it got held up... and God knows, it might happen again! I don't like living constantly on the lookout for possible problems, however small they may be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a kamikazee or anything, I just love life too much to set it aside so quickly. Sure, I do worry like any good person should. I like to make sure people made it to where they were supposed to at night. I get anxious when someone is late and I can't get a hold of them (which ties back to my dilemma). I'm generally known as a worry wart at times, but there are some things you just can't waste your time worrying about.

journals i'm reading

jade

scribbled by manky @ 20:34:00

this has been a soapbox rant entry