lily of the valley: 4/XI/99

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(age: 21 years, 11 months, 8 days, 12 hours, 29 minutes)
[history: 2006... 1990... 1988... ]

Thursday November 4, 1999

4/XI/99 - still wallowing

I�m sitting here looking at a blank screen. Just moments ago, as I drove here in my car, I was full of ideas. Words were flowing in my mind, ideas and thoughts were abundant. Now I don�t even now where to begin.

As you may have noticed, I keep rambling on about a friend of mine. Complaining is definitely a better description. Yet I�ve yet to come out and say who I am writing of (you know the one, a.k.a. anonymous jerk...). That�s part of the problem. I don�t want to admit who it is, and how it�s happening. Somewhere in my silly mind, by just omitting a name I�m able to vent without causing the hurt I�m feeling to hit someone else.

A bit ago I was trying to blame the parents. Did they just forget to teach their child manners? It�s not common practice to allow an offspring to randomly hang-up on whomever they are speaking (or not speaking) with on the phone whenever they feel like it, appropriate or not. There are common courtesies that seem to be being ignored, and not enforced. I would be appalled and embarrassed to know my son or daughter was so downright rude and inconsiderate.

Though I know it�s not the parent�s fault. It just feels better to place the blame anywhere but on my so-called friend. For if it were in fact just a blatant act of anti-friendship on their behalf, I would have to begin to surrender to the rapid crushing of my heart and soul. It hurts! It hurts immensely, and supposedly that�s the last thing my friend would want to do: hurt someone. Either that, too, was a lie, or this person is just totally and completely oblivious to any and everything else besides their self. That�s a sad conclusion to have to come to!

Last night I met up with Bob, Peggy, and Chazz for dinner at Taco Shmell and bowling with the young adults from their church. It was then that I locked my keys in my car. Luckily I had my phone with me. From dinner to the alley, I was on the phone. Even after we got there I was still trying to work everything out. I just couldn�t believe that someone could actually have a spare key, yet not be even remotely helpful. Maybe asking them to drive out to The Dalles was too much, but what about taking the key to someone else who could. Or even staying on the phone long enough to figure something acceptable out. Do I expect the impossible?

So there I am, slowly realizing the inevitable in front of two people I have admired and looked up to for years, and a room full of strangers. Yep, that�s Amancay, talking on her cell phone in the corner, pacing back and forth. She locked her keys in her car, and the friend who has a spare won�t come out to help her. Isn�t that sad? Let�s have a moment of silence and pity for her. Obviously no one actually said that, but that�s how pathetic I felt.

I�m starting to believe Sara when she says that all men suck with the exception of our fathers. Mine certainly made me appreciate him last night. Not that I don�t anyway, but it sure is nice to know that beyond all time and circumstance he�s there to do whatever he can to help. I�m about to bust open a spring of tears here, so let�s move on.

I�m sitting here pondering whether or not I can (or should) toss my little JavaJacket from this morning�s Chai in with the paper to recycle. I know it�s recyclable, I�m just not sure exactly how. Can in intermingle with normal office paper? Or does it belong with the cardboard? I know, the woes and complexities of my brain just astound the general public, but what can I say? I�m a natural thinker. I just queried my co-workers about the recycling and only got �you�re crazy� looks. To each his own.

So LoudGirl set up a notification system after I mentioned it in her guestbook. That means I don�t have to try and remember to go check and see when she�s put up a new entry. Even with the journals that update everyday, without a little ditty in my mailbox, I�m liable to pass right by them in a heartbeat. I�m so random when I surf that unless it�s connected through the list of e-mails I go through every night before I start actually surfing... I totally forget what I was meaning to look at on-line! Anyway, I�m glad she did that, and it also proves that she goes through her guestbook entries (even though she�s got tons!) I feel honored!

Well, my supervisor just left since she�s finally exempt and we�ve got absitively posolutely nothing to do! So I�m gonna head to her desk (she has a direct connection, and it�s cheaper for the company for me to use her connection if need be, then to dial up on the monitored account) to actually get on-line, post, and surf. See ya around!

journals i'm reading

scribbled by manky @ 13:14:00

this has been a daily drabble, friends, meta, woe is me, work entry