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(age: 21 years, 10 months, 21 days, 6 minutes)
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Saturday October 16, 1999

Manky’s Agenda: October 16th, 1999

Okay, so this whole onymous thing isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Right now I just want to completely go off into a huge rambling about all the weird crud that's flowing through my brain in regards to someone in particular. Yet at the same time, I have this strange feeling of fidelity (I'm not so sure that that's the right word to use in English..) towards them, that doesn't allow me to just all out bash and hash it here.

getting right down to it, my brain has this horrific tendency to ponder the silliest, tiniest, and pettiest things. Making those irrelevant things monumental moments of determination of who I am and how I see my relationships with others. (Is anyone following me??? I think I might try leaving more breadcrumbs next time!) So right now, a really stupid thing has me all in a fluster... You see, I'm all uptight wondering whether or not this friend is going to consider me when it comes time to hand out pictures: am I worthy of that generosity; am I allowed that favor; would that be totally out of the question; or is that even a thought in the farthest depths of their mind? I told you it was non-emergent, but it still has my heart and mind in utter uproar. Re-reading those sentences I can see that I seem somehow weakened by this odd priority, as if such a simple act would grant me absolute approval. I know it really doesn't, but it's just that awful lingering thought that I'd be left out of what to me is an important circle of notoriety. Well that was my deep section there... I had been all psyched to share all this nifty-neato-keen stuff I've been coming across in my surfing, then all those naughty/icky thoughts crept into my head when I wasn't lookin'. Weird things like that deserve precedence in journaling, so you can get over them quicker. So it’s way later in the day finally. I stayed up until exactly 3:33 this morning (I saw the clock and I was so reminded of Ed it’s not even funny!) trying to clean up my computer. It was acting weird again! My friend Mandy is up visiting from Monmouth with her man! They have such a cool "getting together story" I can’t wait to meet him! I just talked to her on the phone and I guess Kevin (her man) has a WebPage out there somewhere. I’m obviously going to get the stats on it so I can link it up, and check it out! That will be cool! In other news, yesterday I was a total dork and forgot to return 2 DVDs Amy lent me to Blockbuster in The Dalles. I tried desperately to find someone who was heading that way, but no one seemed to be going there. So I had to break down and drive all the way back to The Dalles to return them... it would have cost me more to have late charges on both movies, than to drive there and back! After deciding I was going to go to The Dalles myself, I went to Ed’s house to re-claim my Drive Me Crazy cd. He was asleep on the floor (mind you, it was early) and obviously absolutely no help locating it in the state he was in. After searching all over the place for it, Erin realized what I was looking for and knew where it was. She got it for me and I was on my way. I stopped by the Texaco where Sara works to get a Chai smoothie for a quick zinger and to say hi to her. I ended up staying there forever, and she came with me to return the movies after she closed up. It was awesome to be able to spend time really talking with her again! We’ve both changed a lot since middle school, and for the better! It’s amazing what a taste of life can do for someone! Movin’ on... yesterday I was surfing through some other journals on-line, and actually found a couple I liked. In fact one guy actually caused me to laugh out loud. It was so funny and worthy of quoting. Check this out, it’s from the lastest entry of Erik’s journal a.k.a. Coffee Dog Journal: If I was in a better mood I would tell about stinky man in sandals at the bookstore. I love it when people call it "earthy." Okay earthy is fresh air... as in go camping and take a big breath and smell the "earthiness." I certainly wasn't standing in front of the magazine section thinking "wait, am I camping? oh no, just standing near some guy in sandals reading Elle who hasn't showered since the Y1K crisis." It’s seriously quotable stuff, so I hope he doesn’t mind! Aside from his journal I was also impressed by Tabula Rasa. Except for the fact that she is writing anonymously (I guess I lost respect for anonymity after finding out the truth about Go Ask Alice) I’m totally into her writing. I sat there and read over her entire archives the first time I got there. Too bad she doesn’t have a notification list. Speaking of which, I’m gonna set one up for myself. Lately I’ve been pretty good about dailies, but I know that at some point I may take a day’s break or so!

  scribbled by manky @ 1:51:00
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this has been a friends, meta, music to my ears, quotable entry

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