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« October 30, 1999
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November 1, 1999 »
(age: 21 years, 11 months, 4 days, 13 hours, 27 minutes)
[history: 2006... 2004... 2003... 2002... 1990... ]
Sunday October 31, 1999
31/X/99 - emotional babble
| Oh man, I am sick. Not just sick, but phyiscally ill. I don't have a virus or disease of any sort. It is just life bashing me over the head... again, and again, and again. Why can't it rest for a while and let things be as I could at least handle them? This is insane! |
there's more where that came from...
I don't understand how someone you've spent time and time again with, laughing, and talking, and sharing great moments with.. can all of a sudden flip. What right do they have to snap at you constantly? Yelling at you when you are trying your hardest to be tactful, considerate, and caring? How can they call you names you would dare to utter yourself? Do I deserve this treatment? I highly doubt it, yet I take it
It feels like a spiked whip, gnawing at my back. Lashing out over and over again on already raw wounds. Yet I still suck up my gut and breathe deep, swallowing any self-esteem I may have aquired through this friendship, and proceed the receive yet another unforseen strike. My head aches with the tightness from tears held back and the agony of thoughts bubbling.
Is this really the person I could spend endless hours with not so long ago? What aliens came down abducted my friend and left this intruder? Why the mood swings? One night hanging out, buying my dinner... the next time hanging up before I can even say 'It's me!' or just flat out calling me vulgarties I refuse to repeat. Confused doen't even begin to describe how I'm feeling.
Maybe it's time for me to step back and realize that this farce of a friendship is not all it's cracked up to be. Time to let things go and let my friend move on into another part of their life. My only desire is to see this person grow into all God has mapped out for them to be. God has purpose and plan for each and everyone of us and that last thing I want to do is get in His way. So for now I am stepping back. Sitting here at home with swollen eyes, a crinkled forehead, and a hardened heart. Allowing my friend to spend time with our friends, yet without me. Somehow in the caverns of my mind, I'm strong and feel 'tis better me alone in agony then those I can sacrifice myself for... I just hope the excuse to the rest was believable, I highly doubt the truth was told regarding my absence!
 
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...enough already! scribbled by manky @ 14:12:00 
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this has been a friends, serious life, woe is me entry
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November 1, 1999 »
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